Outnessness

Thought I would write about the way things went. Started the project for the cafe a while back, thought of ways of getting the community on board and went along some strange avenues to make it happen. Eventually a meeting was held, all kinds of folks were there discussing what to do for the youth of the town. My suggestion of a community based, managed and run coffee shop and Internet cafe went down very well. Over the next few months plans and ideas were put forward along with a suggestion that an old building in town be used for the venture - The Old Blue Coat School.
That was it, it was decided the venue would be great and funding for renovation could be found. Another meeting - all the ideas were pooled together, I had the task of finding info for the business plan and was asked to put together a document of what the vision for the place was.... This I did.. A point came in the meeting were attentions were turned and I was asked what my intentions were.. Are you doing this to make money? What's the deal? Why would you do it? I felt let down, as if the folks in the meet were singling me out to get shot of me and take the idea away as there own. OK, I thought, at least the plan and idea will move on and get somewhere. I explained to the folks in the meet that this was something I wanted to do and was making changes in my life to accommodate it. The plan did move on and I stepped aside making some suggestions about getting a real professional on board. Basically I was weighing them up to see what the reality was for the plan, of making this old listed building an Internet cafe and coffee shop. Faced with the reality of the site being developed for use as the cafe quickly made plans fall apart. At least that's how I saw it, from the bottom of the pile of expectations placed upon me. 

The plan fell apart and it was decided that the building should still be developed but have the cafe plan as a part time thing, a visit to a similar venue kind of decided that for the whole idea. What a shame, the vibrant fun filled place with great coffee and stuff to do would be turned into instant coffee served with WI fairy cakes... Needless to say we parted company.

The Cafe

 Caffe Connect as it was going to be was a concept to unite community. A meeting place with a vibe for fun and relaxation. I believe it was a God given vision of something I was to do or at least be a part of. I tried it but failed. It wasn't meant to be, not by me at least. The plan will come back soon but I've made a decision, (Just now) that I'll not be a part of it. Saying that, If I can help someone else to do it then I will. It's time for me to rebuild my life back to what I can call normal. 

I chased this dream, vision, plan.... idea, what ever, through out this year..

From visiting the Isle of Wight to see premises, visiting businesses in Reading, Newport and Newbury, looking at shops and seeing planning authorities to buying equipment for the place. A fortune later, a lot of time later, through ups and downs good times and bad... The plan was finally happening, a premises in the Broadway right in the centre of town was the place, it was all done, planning approved, legals covered and ready to sign. That day... the wheels fell off. Richard, the landlord sent me an email saying he had decided to work with someone else. Good bye Bullock - Game over... That was the lot.

The plan had come to an end. The equipment I purchased has all but gone and the plans have been deleted and shredded. I need to find my way back. I gave up a job that was on the up, along with the security it offered to chase the dream. Don't let anyone say I didn't try. I did try, I just wasn't good enough. That doesn't mean I'll never be good enough. I'm sure I will, I have some divine help :-)

After all of this though I look back and realise that maybe it wasn't right for me. What did I know about coffee and leases and business? Enough I think, I did my homework, seminars, books and countless hours researching and visiting places. Maybe I was a little naive to think it could work, I still had so much to do. Work I was going to do when I had a premises. I also had a healthy dose of fear and doubt.....

           ..... That's were the realisation of the failure comes to me. Fear and doubt are not things I should consider, not if I have faith. I know I do have faith and am very blessed to have what I have. There begins the lesson, handle day to day life differently - spending time with the Lord, listening for his guidance. I've filled my life up with so much stuff - useless stuff..  Time for it go and to return to what I know best.

It's coming up to that time when the year ends and the new one begins. This year has seen a whole load of beginnings and endings. All will have their impact in changing the way we live around here. The search for that new beginning is underway, a new job maybe and some new things to do, charities to support and things to achieve... I'm ending here because I'm rambling... In my head and on the blog....