Saturday, July 26, 2014

Night 1 Quarr retreat...

I lay in the silence, fireworks in the distance I can hear, must be celebrating the holidays. How do I feel? A little low, not sure why. I think I'm missing out on life being hear in the monastery. Fear of the unknown I suppose. Breakfast tomorrow at 7:30, no talking, what should I do, where should I go. I really don't know what to say.
Got room yuk, that's that feeling that once you're in bed you don't wanna move. It smells slightly of hair Greece and sweat. The sheets are clean though. The room is clean and quite big with it. Very basic, no internet! Grr.

Don't know about this retreat thing, just wanna go out or go home. Not feeling it, been asked to wear trousers at the next service. Don't know why these dress codes still exist. The service was sung in Latin, I could follow using the book in English. There was all sorts of bowing, sitting, standing and all that. I know when the Gospel is proclaimed we stand, that's before Jesus' words. We stand before communion in front of Jesus' presence at the table and we stand to sing! As it should be... Then why do we have stand up and down and bow and bow and sit and stand in the service today.

Simple faith right! Would Jesus want all this, does he want this? I'll ask, Jesus what's this all about, is this what I should be at this weekend, more wrapped with process than what's actually going on? I'm not with it, certainly not like Kay is, she's very tactile too .... I need to change my mindset, I feel more put out than relaxed. What's missing for me, I'm sad and I should not be. Is my life heading in the right direction.

Note to self... Cheer Up

Verse from Kay is Psalm 27:4 ... I'm asking God for one thing, only one thing. To live with him in his house my whole life long. I'll contemplate his beauty, I'll study at his feet ... Thing is I'm not, I'm asking for loads more in the here and now and he provides it to me, building faith is worth while, using it is more important. Doing in the life of others, helping those in need of stuff, guidance and all that. Following Gods vision in doing, faith doesn't need to be big, works do! What's my vision, my heading. (pray) I need to figure that out. (Pray) Go back to work, make a difference, serve well and good. Be positive in the life of others, family, colleagues an friends.


pBullox'

Location:Quarr Abbey, Isle Of Wight.

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